The Blogosphere cries

See, the thing about Mo' Complaints lunch is that everybody all throughout the Blogosphere wants in on it. Bohle only moved to greener pastures because he recognized that the longer he stayed with Mo' Complaints, the harder it would be to tear himself from the wonder, the glory, the sheer orgazmiration. So I extend my daily members only invitation to Brummski for a Noon meeting of the lunch at the exclusive EMRB Club. You down for that Michael?

That sweet sound...

I can type sort of like this... but only the spacebar.

By the way, I wasn't feeling well... but then I found the cure to the fever: An LL Cool J video that I hadn't seen yet.

But this is what that dude sounded like when he walked!

I can't quit you, Bohle

Not since Nov 2004 have I entered such a stupor. Then, faced with 4 more years with Mr Bush, I coped by not eating, drinking, or engaging in any semblance of political discussion or thought for a good 6 months. Now, faced with ?(!) years without Mr Bohle, I have once again struck the (emotional) fetal pose, only this time I’ve responded not with lack of appetite, nay, but by eating (bon bons) and drinking (gorilla farts) more than ever before in my life. Moreover, this time around, it is watching Twins, listening to my Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr. (i.e., Lil Wayne) records and, yes, blogging, that I’ve gone without, for I simply haven’t been able to confront the emotional luggage said activities pack into this already overstuffed suitcase I call my brain.

(Speaking of which, if Dr Andreasen is willing to shell out $200 to see the inside of Bohle’s head, what I wouldn’t pay for a mere glimpse of its outside: a.k.a. that lovable philthy phace.)

Now that I've finally begun to pick up the emotional pieces, and ponder recent events, I just can't get over how closely they parallel the 1980 death of Led Zeppelin drummer John "Bonzo" Bonham, which led soon after to the surviving members' decision to disband. Sure, our "Bohlzo" is alive and well (thank God) and, yes, he's more of a skin flautist than a drummer, but otherwise the analogy is quite seamless, and his departure's effect on our band is no less glaring.

The blogosphere has been abuzz, as of late, as to whether No Complaints (sans Bohlzo) should, like Led Zeppelin (sans Bonzo), call it quits. After much contemplation, the answer is a resounding no.

No, we shall press forward, but with one caveat. Following the precedent set by A Daily Show, we cannot in good conscience advertise what shall come under the banner of past greatness. As a lasting tribute to our own head writer, whose cohesive talent made us what we are, we shall henceforth adopt a new moniker: Mo' Complaints

For, until the day he returns, there will always be at least one thing to complain about.

Wow

I can't believe how long you guys have gone without eating food! Are you on diets? I get the ultimate lunch hour here in Des Moines. Myself and a coworker come to my place and watch tv! It's the shiznit. If you make a new dirty phrase sometime, such as the "Pool Cue," please keep me updated!

How To: Make Your Own Danny DeVito Cake Topper/Fun Thing

This is a fun and easy craft for any occasion, and all you need is a color printer, a couple of toothpicks, and some clear tape. First, print out this image in color (click to enlarge):

Next, cut out and fold the picture. I recommend cutting a rough rectangle around both DeVito heads at first, folding carefully along the line between them, and then cutting both sides back to back. Then tape a couple of toothpicks to the back side of one DeVito head. Finally, attach both heads together at around the chin area - but don't use too much tape/glue/what-have-you for that because you don't want to mar the pristine image of DeVito.

Now you can take your creation and use it to decorate a cake - or a stack of brownies, as we did to celebrate Philthy's last No Complaints lunch.

You can also omit the toothpicks and instead put this on a pen or pencil. You can even print a bajillion of these things, tape them onto the wrappers of cheap suckers and give them out on Halloween for that "the people who live in this house are frickin' bonkers" effect.

Gettin' the word on for Monday

I've been hearing that Monday is slated to be young master Phillip's last day of No Complaints lunch. I thought I should get the word out ahead of time that a celebration is in order. I'm planning on attending, there will probably be cake, Kim could be convinced to take the trek up the hill to wish Phil good lunch in his future endeavors, AND we're holding out hope for another special guest. I can't reveal too much. It's all still in negotiation, but we are hoping for a certain short, bald, chubby actor/director to make an appearance.

(The above is an actual panel from an Archie comic strip. To the best of my knowledge, it has not been doctored in any way.)

Blow it up!

What's up, bros? Lunch?!

Melrose Place

Bill: just a head's up that Axe and I (and hopefully a few others) will be chowing down at the Melrose Dining hall today. If you make it in, please join us. PS Boo yeah.

Post 357!

Yeah! Celebrate post number 357 at lunch with me at EMRB!

Go ahead, touch my sandwich

Time: High noon

Place: EMRB

Occassion: Lunch

Reason for Dirty Harry picture: He's a badass motherfucker.

Wednesday with the eating and the kicking and the biting

I'll be at EMRB at Noon if anybody is interested in bro- and/or chow-ing down with me

Doin it and doin it and doin it well

She's represent'n Queens I was raised out in Brooklyn.

Come to lunch today and learn about:

The guy who was picking his nose on the bus... just where did that booger end up?

The haircutter asking me for financial advice... and yeah, I "gave it" to her.

The bite to my upper arm suffered in Real Estate Process... it feels bruised.

Yup, you are my readers.

Monday, the Frozen Tundra Wasteland

Morning gents, I am planning on being at EMRB for lunch today. No exciting strap-ons, or big boys or nothing like that. Just little 'ol me with my razor sharp whit and dirty sense of humor.

P.S. Poop and pee.

Friday

I'll be at lunch today, and I'll be wearing one of these bad boys:


Anyone care to lunch with me and my "strap-on"?

Movies

While not working today, I tried coming up with some names of Vagina movies. I tried to limit it to sports movies.












All The Right Vaginas
Friday Night Vaginas
Any Vagina Sunday
Caddyvagina
White Vagina Can't Jump
Vagina Nights; The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tin Vagina
Varsity Vaginas
Above the Vagina
North Dallas Vagina
Vaginas in the Outfield
Mighty Vaginas
The Greatest Vagina Ever Played
Debby Does Vagina (sort of a sports movie)
Gridiron Vagina
Forget Vagina (a stretch, "Forget Paris.")
Glory Vagina
Play it to the Vagina
Wildcats

[PICTURE OF A DOG LICKING A BISON'S TESTICLES]

I'm planning on eating at the EMRB today at 12:15 if there's going to be anyone else there. Are you in?

Hey Michael

I'm in for lunch at EMRB at Noon if you are. Let me know the scoop, hombre.

Hot Cook'n at EMRB

Tailgating season may be over, but how can I help looking for ideas for next year? Come to EMRB at noon and maybe you'll meet these two fellas, and you can see for yourself just how hung they are despite their wirey physique.

Bohle?

Lunch?