How To: Make Your Own Danny DeVito Cake Topper/Fun Thing

This is a fun and easy craft for any occasion, and all you need is a color printer, a couple of toothpicks, and some clear tape. First, print out this image in color (click to enlarge):

Next, cut out and fold the picture. I recommend cutting a rough rectangle around both DeVito heads at first, folding carefully along the line between them, and then cutting both sides back to back. Then tape a couple of toothpicks to the back side of one DeVito head. Finally, attach both heads together at around the chin area - but don't use too much tape/glue/what-have-you for that because you don't want to mar the pristine image of DeVito.

Now you can take your creation and use it to decorate a cake - or a stack of brownies, as we did to celebrate Philthy's last No Complaints lunch.

You can also omit the toothpicks and instead put this on a pen or pencil. You can even print a bajillion of these things, tape them onto the wrappers of cheap suckers and give them out on Halloween for that "the people who live in this house are frickin' bonkers" effect.

Gettin' the word on for Monday

I've been hearing that Monday is slated to be young master Phillip's last day of No Complaints lunch. I thought I should get the word out ahead of time that a celebration is in order. I'm planning on attending, there will probably be cake, Kim could be convinced to take the trek up the hill to wish Phil good lunch in his future endeavors, AND we're holding out hope for another special guest. I can't reveal too much. It's all still in negotiation, but we are hoping for a certain short, bald, chubby actor/director to make an appearance.

(The above is an actual panel from an Archie comic strip. To the best of my knowledge, it has not been doctored in any way.)

Blow it up!

What's up, bros? Lunch?!

Melrose Place

Bill: just a head's up that Axe and I (and hopefully a few others) will be chowing down at the Melrose Dining hall today. If you make it in, please join us. PS Boo yeah.

Post 357!

Yeah! Celebrate post number 357 at lunch with me at EMRB!

Go ahead, touch my sandwich

Time: High noon

Place: EMRB

Occassion: Lunch

Reason for Dirty Harry picture: He's a badass motherfucker.

Wednesday with the eating and the kicking and the biting

I'll be at EMRB at Noon if anybody is interested in bro- and/or chow-ing down with me

Doin it and doin it and doin it well

She's represent'n Queens I was raised out in Brooklyn.

Come to lunch today and learn about:

The guy who was picking his nose on the bus... just where did that booger end up?

The haircutter asking me for financial advice... and yeah, I "gave it" to her.

The bite to my upper arm suffered in Real Estate Process... it feels bruised.

Yup, you are my readers.

Monday, the Frozen Tundra Wasteland

Morning gents, I am planning on being at EMRB for lunch today. No exciting strap-ons, or big boys or nothing like that. Just little 'ol me with my razor sharp whit and dirty sense of humor.

P.S. Poop and pee.

Friday

I'll be at lunch today, and I'll be wearing one of these bad boys:


Anyone care to lunch with me and my "strap-on"?

Movies

While not working today, I tried coming up with some names of Vagina movies. I tried to limit it to sports movies.












All The Right Vaginas
Friday Night Vaginas
Any Vagina Sunday
Caddyvagina
White Vagina Can't Jump
Vagina Nights; The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tin Vagina
Varsity Vaginas
Above the Vagina
North Dallas Vagina
Vaginas in the Outfield
Mighty Vaginas
The Greatest Vagina Ever Played
Debby Does Vagina (sort of a sports movie)
Gridiron Vagina
Forget Vagina (a stretch, "Forget Paris.")
Glory Vagina
Play it to the Vagina
Wildcats

[PICTURE OF A DOG LICKING A BISON'S TESTICLES]

I'm planning on eating at the EMRB today at 12:15 if there's going to be anyone else there. Are you in?

Hey Michael

I'm in for lunch at EMRB at Noon if you are. Let me know the scoop, hombre.

Hot Cook'n at EMRB

Tailgating season may be over, but how can I help looking for ideas for next year? Come to EMRB at noon and maybe you'll meet these two fellas, and you can see for yourself just how hung they are despite their wirey physique.

Bohle?

Lunch?

Superman dat OH!

Hey Brummski! On your way to EMRB today, watch out for that sheet following close behind you. I don't want anyone else tripping over it.

Shitty Pat Monday at EMRB

Just keeping the dream alive. Brummblepie? You in?

Fuck You Friday at EMRB

(click to enlargen)

I'll be there at about 12:15... will you?

Thursday, my last day for a while (again)

So I was gone for a majority of last week, and because of the Thanksgiving holiday I will be gone all of next week. That's just general info for everybody on the blog to know. So Michael, no pressure but if you're down for lunch today I'll be at EMRB at Noon.

A Big Day for Your PB&J

This little guys is six months old today!

Also, I'll be having lunch in EMRB at noon. You're welcome to join me... unless I'm too REAL for you.

Tuesday

Hey Michael, I'm planning on being at lunch today. Any thoughts on a venue?

In the words of Soul Asylum:

As far as I can tell, I'm going to have some crappy chores to do at work this morning. In that spirit, around noon I'll be ready to

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track (to EMRB)
Seems like I should be getting somewhere (like lunch)
Somehow I'm neither here (EMRB) nor there (work)

I hope someone can stop my downward spiral at nooner.

HEY GUYS!!!

What's up???! Mind if I join you for lunch at EMRB today? They're renovating The Max and the jocks in Atrium Dining are always giving me atomic wedgies.

Winded

I'm a little worn out from the Malt Madness post this morning. I'll simply ask if anyone is attending No Complaints in EMRB at noon today. I look forward to your response.

Axelmania XXVII: Alien vs. Fabulous Moolah!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, your attention please. In this corner, at a combined weight of 14 metric tons, from Iowa City, IA: the unsuspecting denizens of EMRB Cafe. And now, approaching the ring area, weighing in at 27 stone, accompanied by his manager, Paul Bearer, and his Executive Consultant Mr. Fuji (with salt, or is it protein powder, in hand), from Eden Prairie, MN, making his long-awaited in-ring return: King Kong Axelbundy! Let's get ready to Brumble!!!

Complaints, indeed

My fellow No Complaintians, I feel that today, for no reason whatsoever, the people of Lunch Blogdium deserve to know the state of Lunch.
People; we have an enemy in our mist (and no, I don't mean "midst!"). The rest of the world knows these teammates as Taste and Class, but we know them as the two-headed monster that is out to destroy the world we know. They are willing to sacrifice nothing in an effort to kill our spirits and sense of humor. They have fired direct attacks on Bawdiness and have Grotesque completely embargoed. The rest of EMRB Cafe is willing to stand by idly and allow these travesties to occur. It's obviously up to us, the Democracy of No Complaints, to up the ante and fire back into the heart of their capitals, Sophistication and Refinement. Our citizens will have to sacrifice, but that's the price of freedom. We're going to have to produce twice as many poop jokes and up to three times as many chode references. Bill and Brumplestiltzkin will have to double team Taste on the Sheets'de-soiled while I quietly take out Class behind d'Knight'stand. We must nuge and scrooge without mercy! This is a war that we must win at all costs.
The consequences of a loss? Citizens, I shudder to think of what that world would bring.
Remember, you're either with us, or you're against us, harboring WMDs (Weapons of Mass Discernment)!
God Bless Our Lunch!
Are you with me?!

Input needed! ASAP

Clake and Bill, this is specifically for you, but the rest of our readers can weigh in as well.

We definitely have the Wonk and Nuge clearly defined.
Last week we came up with further clarity for real life situations.
When someone is coming at you backhanded, but at the last minute turns their palm towards you, in effect, faking the Nuge and going for the Wonk, that is called the Splooge, for obvious reasons (if you can control yourself after experiencing those wide range of emotions, you're a better man than I).

Now, the question is, what if someone comes at you palm first, but then performs a slight of hand and backhands you? Brummbiliyah and I decided that this maneuver, where the Wonk is faked for a Nuge, should be called the Scrooge. Is everyone down with that??

I think I cut my penis on the lid....

That was probably one of the best lines I've ever heard on television.

Shall we toss out more Schrutisms at lunch today?

Nary a registered complaint on the Merlin's Madness

If anybody was able to recover from Merlin's Madness in enough time to make it to lunch at EMRB at Noon, I'll be seeing you there!

Sixty Nining Mr. Bill and Mr. Brummblebutt

I'll tell you,
Like Brumm told me
Bill Eats Everything
Around Me
Whipped Cream Bikini y'all
Eatin off of Bill y'all

Wining and Dining Mr. Brumm and Mr. Bohle

Whoever's out there in Blogland, I will be at EMRB for lunch at Noon. Hope to see you there!

Getcher eggs!

With all the great feeds that Gooch has to offer, it should be an excellent laying season for the hens! Come feast on the bootyful bounty at noon!

Thursday

I am planning on being at lunch today at Noon. But I have an errand that I need to run at the IMU first. So I am leaving now, and will try to make it back by Noon as best as I can. I'm pretty sure that I can make it.

Dammit Bill!

If I have to warn you one more time, I'm disbanding No Complaints! Michael, take this as a warning as well. I don't want to have to rub your nose in it too! If we can act like civilized human beings today, I'll let you guys have lunch with me. If not, I'll let you touch me while I'm touching it.

Monday hill ...

... Tuesday valley. The ebb and flow of the lunch tides (nor the moonlit tidal pool) doesn't affect the fact that I'll be at lunch today. Hope to see a friendly face or two!

Monday

Good morning, Americans ... it's Monday! I'm going to be at lunch today. EMRB Noonski.

Thursday is kick ass!

So I don't know how you guys come up with such great posts. You probably spend more time than just 13 seconds in writing a post, I guess. But without further ado, and without anything funny to say, I'm hitting up lunch at Noon at EMRB. Michael, if you're around that would be kick butt. I mean ass. Ass is funnier, right?

Like a party in my mouth!

I had a kickass picture for the blog today that required some homework but alas, blogger is being a sonuvabitch and not letting me upload pictures.
The question remains, who's down for a food orgy around noon?

Tuesday Lunch

Hey Michael, as per usual it looks like not too many people will be around today. But I am planning on eating lunch at EMRB at Noon if you're interested man.

Later!
Bill

Doggy Doo

Yup, my entire lab smells like this. The thing that kills me is that no one else seems to notice the doggy-shit smell. It's definitely not me either.

Please, oh please, won't someone come to lunch to take my mind off of this shitty situation??

Onward, Dino-buddies! (1 o'clock!!!!!!!)

This is a picture of my 28th birthday cake. The story is, that Trex is about to smash that cabin to bits, and then he's seriously thinking about crushing up that convertible as well. The smaller dinosaur is looking on, thinking, "Dude, that's harsh."

This is all to tell you that this is the last chance you douchebags are gonna get to kick ol' Clake around the schoolyard. I'm taking my ball(s) and moving across the river, where the shops are expensive and the mentally ill sing loudly and unabashedly in the streets. I'm taking a 1pm lunch today in EMRB. Anyone who wants to man up and take their lunch at 1 o'clock as well is welcome to join. What's the matter, am I too REAL for you?

You can take this to the bank

Last week we talked about how cashing in coins is the only reason why many of us go to the bank these days, which reminded me of a certain escapade from my recent Boston trip. To explain, may I direct your attention to the giant green Crayola crayon between my legs? You might also notice the wad of Jacksons in my left hand, and the reverse peace sign (AKA: British middle finger) in my right. Well, said crayon (combined with a couple other boxes of coins) contained over $550 bones including 9000+ pennies, which were redeemed (by me & my boy) not at the local bank but rather the neighborhood Stop & Shop. They had this machine, and we only clogged the thing once (but on purpose) just to send a message to all onlookers that C.R.E.A.M.

In closing, E.M.R.B. = Everything Me Rules Bananas?

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's a happy sausage?

I'm considering a lunch today:
Any takers?

A Fully Illustrated News and Opinions Source

Busy weekend and a boring Monday morning have combined for a lengthy and spastic blog entry. I'll cover it like a true news source. News, then Weather, then Sports.

News:

Lil Wayne was arrested in Boise, I da ho, (mug shot above) this weekend on an outstanding warrant from Georgia. What was the offense back in Georgia? Drug possession. Am I suprised? Hell yes! Not that he does drugs (listen to his songs, he definitely does drugs) but that he got arrested. He's rich and he's an artist. Put those together and you've got a get out of jail free card. I mean, the Beatles never got in trouble for drugs when they..... what's that? Oh... well, I'm sure he'll get out of it and spit some sweet rhymes about this in no time. As an aside, I'm sure none of the readers of this blog listen to rap or even like it, but Lil Wayne makes some very unique stuff. He's from New Orleans and has a very backwater sound to his music and has very creative lyrics.

Weather:

It was rather warm this weekend. I'm going to go with an argument I hear quite often: This is proof of global warming. Why else would we have beautiful weather in October?? Before people started polluting the world, there was no weather, just average temperatures and rainfall. You could always expect the temperature to be exactly where it should be at all times.... that's why they call it an average!

Sports:

The Cubs lost (got beat down) their series with the Arizona D'bags. Although I'm a Cub fan and lived and died with their every loss this summer, there's an eery calm that's come over me now that they've lost. Everything is right with the world and unlike the Red/White Sox, I don't have to put up with cute girls in pink Cubs hats running around "rooting" for stuff when they don't know Fontenot from Theriot. There's always next year!

In football news. the ever popular "This is Sportscenter" series features Jim Kelly (oh, oh, ohohoh, HELL YEAH, Hell Yeah...... hell yeah..... hel.... oh, oh....) getting his Hall of Fame jacket eaten by a mascot.

Editorial:

The wonk illustrated.

Copyright 2007 No Complaints

Thursday Lunch

Hey guys, I know it's an off day for Phil, and this is a late post, but I will be at EMRB at Noon (about 10 minutes or so) for the lunch.

Philthy's Halloween Plans?

What's the third hole in that sheet for? Maybe we should ask him at lunch in EMRB. Takers?

Death of a party

I am, in a word, crushed.

For 3+ years there has been a veritable party in my mouth every time I’ve dined at -- nay, even thought about dining at -- Joensy’s Restaurant in Solon, IA. I can still hear the waitress’ voice asking: “Would you like some ‘frickles’ (fried pickles) with your tenderloin, sir?” Combine these with a lean and mean Bison Burger and several big screen TVs -- which on occasion have been known to show Buffalo Bills games featuring Jim Kelly’s no-huddle offense -- and you my friend have the recipe for, to borrow a line from Belinda Carlisle, Heaven in a place on Earth.


Brumblestiltzkin eating a tenderloin at Joensy's (from his actual gmail photo): "I just thought they were black beans," he reflected this morning.

But then I read this, and my innocence was shattered:

When (Brian Joens) asked what the complaint was, I pointed to the live roach on the counter top (across from the dish machine) next to me and said there was a complaint about roaches. His wife, Lisa, came around the corner behind me, saw the roach after I pointed it out and smashed it with her hand and brushed it off to the floor," the record of communications stated.

That would be 1 line from today's Press-Citizen expose of a recent Johnson County Department of Public Health inspection of my beloved eatery.

At any rate, I will be partaking in today's $2.25 slice of roach pizza special at the Fountain. What do you say to noon lunch at EMRB?

Tuesday lunch

Morning gents, I'll be attending the Noon lunch. EMRB I would think. Any takers?

The Party's Crashing Us

Yes, Clake is crashing the party! All this week, due to vacationing co-workers and phone coverage, I find myself taking lunch during the traditional 12-1 time slot. Is anyone else EMRB-ing today (Monday, 10/1/07)?

My last day this week

Hey Michael, are you down for grabbing some lunch today? I should be around at the usual Noon time at EMRB. Let me know man!

You'll get it

Whoever captured this photo is an absolute genius. Of course, the Mountaineers are wearing their away colors, so maybe they were taking some heckling for it from the hometown fans. Still though, someone had to point it out.

I'd like to credit Clake for this picture. I think it really embodies everything good about college athletics.

Is anyone interested in lunch today?

"People do the best they can, but we're just people. Not Greek deities -- who, by the way, had their own faults."

To the left, a young human breaks down after being told that he is not, in fact, a Greek deity.






For more on this story, go to ABC News

Lunch?

hey sorry for the late post

just got out of a meeting. lunch in a short while?

Friday Lunch

Hey boys, I will be at lunch today at Noon at EMRB. Late night last night, I'll be arriving directly from the bus. Also, don't forget birthday treats at 1:30 in or around the Philibert Lab!

Meeting accomplished (i.e., canceled)

I was supposed to miss lunch today due to a meeting, but it just got canceled (well, technically, I was just uninvited). Needless to say I am feeling pretty shafted, but my spirits are buoyed by prospects of having my proverbial complaints nullified via some serious EMRB lunch action.

Follow Up

Several weeks ago, Clake made a half-assed attempt at being funny and faked a picture of a dog licking an elephant's butt. He simply put the phrase, "Picture of a dog licking an elephant's butt," in brackets and passed that off as a picture. As you can see, I've very nearly got the real deal.

Let's all go to lunch today and talk about what a poor effort that was by Clake. We can also discuss how dedicated to the cause I am. We can also find out if Bill does indeed have tuberculosis of his member.

Tuesday and TB

I'm getting my annual TB test today. But after that, methinks I will be attending lunch. Is anyone interested for Noon at EMRB?

Lunch?

If you don't come to lunch, you're getting one of these!

Preaching to the Choir

Hey everybody! A contest! The prize is a noninclusive lunch at EMRB with yours truly.

The rules of this game are pretty simple:
Simply kiss one of those guys handing out the New Testament.
It has to be on the cheek, no tongue, just a lot of lip.
A longing gaze in the eyes immediately after is worth a bonus lunch with me.
A pat on the butt (his, not yours) is worth a pat on the butt of me.
If you can pull off all the above without taking a little green book, You Da Man!

Three Hundy!

Wow, another milestone, and this has nothing to do with lunch. It's simply Philthy being Filthy.

I found this to be pretty funny. It's about who you would want to be your wingman out of all the NFL quarterbacks. Kyle Orton (an Iowa native who's legacy as a J.D. man became cemented in downtown Iowa City during a bye week) ranks quite high up there. I would have to agree. http://sportsyenta.blogspot.com/2007/09/you-can-be-my-wingman-anytime.html

Final topic of the night: Is it bad if I bought the 750 mL bottle of Absolut Vodka on the same night as the 2 L bottle of Lemonade for the specific reason of them complementing each other, and I'm out of the vodka and not quite half way through the lemonade as of 10 minutes ago? By the way, I live by myself and never have house guests due to my small size (of my television).

Size vs. Stamina (or, I mean cake)

I got an email today (from an Aileen Vargas), with the following subject:

"Now it is possible to have sex more than 10 times a day!" (emphasis mine)

I read on:

"Just put this in mind: how about to have bigger pe wdb nis, better erec mwi tions and increased se yz xual pleasure. Think of how this could give you confidence and self-esteem that you have never experienced before. The effect on your life could be truly enormous if you take that step and order your pe rk nis enlar hue gement pill today " (emphasis mine)

I'm confused -- is this targeting the size-impaired or the stamina-impaired? Does Aileen want to have her cock and eat it, too? What's a perknis?

Come to EMRB at noon to discuss!

Another Lame-O post

Wow, I'm sorry about this one. I pretty much suck at life. And not just in the general way either. I mean this quite literally. It's like the meaning of life is a great big strawberry at the bottom of a shake, and I keep on sucking and sucking at the straw (proverbial life), trying to get the meaning of life out of it, and I just can't do it. The strawberry is just too big to get out. I try stabbing at it with the straw (life), but I can't break down the strawberry (meaning) enough to get anything out of it (the straw). That leaves me quite literally sucking at life, until I get sores on my lips and the insides of my cheeks from all the sucking.

Lunch, anybody?

And the award for lamest blog entry goes to...

I'll be at lunch barring unforeseen disasters.
Michaelangeho

And the winner is.....

...Philthy! By a landslide. Let's hear what he has to say down in the ring.

PA Guy: Philthy, tell me how it feels to be crowned the champ by TKO in the 9th round.

Philthy (still bleeding from a cut above the eye): First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for getting me to this point. As a child I had a dream to accomplish this one day. I've been working for it ever since. I love you Mom and Dad! You're the greatest. To my trainers, we've put in a lot of time in the private gym we have. They've made me the donkey puncher I am today. I am the greatest!

PA Guy: Did you think you'd be able to comeback from that blow you took in the 3rd?

Philthy: Wow, that was quite the blow. Luckily, it's all about recovery and stamina. I got saved by the bell and luckily I came back in the fourth with a big new swing of confidence, got my momentum going forward again, and had a bounce in my step starting in the fifth.

PA Guy: How are you going to follow this performance for the ages up?

Philthy: I'm going to EMRB at noon for some chow!

Today??

Hey guys

[Picture of a dog licking an elephant's butt]

I'll be eating in EMRB at noonish, if anyone else is left around.

Political Follies

Question from Philthy:

Is Hillary Clinton really a humongous bitch, as the picture denotes, or is she viewed that way for other reasons? Could it be because she was a rather outspoken first lady? Could it be because she stuck with Bill after getting his knob polished by Monica Lewinsky as well as using her as his own personal humidor, possibly for her own professional reasons? Maybe because she's in a male dominated profession? What about the fact that she kept the "Rodham" in her name? Is it because she doesn't seem like the type of woman who we'd see baking cookies and kissing boo-boos? I ask these questions because I take a pretty laid back approach to politics. I rely on the impressions I have of candidates, as well as the people in office, and then try to sort through the facts later. If Hillary's such a bitch, wouldn't I have crossed her off my short list long ago?

Does anyone want to discuss this at lunch today? Or maybe we should stick to our campaign of instituting the Joe Pesci as a unique way to express yourself to a loved one?

More Awkward

I gotta be honest, that whole posting at the same time thing was just a little bit queer. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

By the way, first day of class for me today and I've already shattered a couple of records. I've actually studied some lecture notes (I had some downtime). I'm not sure that I've ever studied before September before. I've also had my thigh rubbed during a lecture. That's never happened until at least the fifth week of class.

Onward and Upward!

I'm an Axehole

Brumble Pie will not be served at today's lunch, but I will be back in action tomorrow.

Get your Bill action while you can!

Hey guys, my bro is getting married this weekend in Chicago, so I will be out of the office both Thursday and Friday this week. So come and lunch it up with the 'ol Billster while you still can! Boo ya!

An Ode to Awkward

I'm making this poem up as I go:

School just started

Am I in too deep?

I may have farted

Hope no one heard the 'beep'

Damn that girl's hot

I can't stop staring

With her cute blonde hair

Why is she glaring

What's that?

Oh No!

Gotta give a speech

I'd rather not stand

Or they'll think I'm a creep

Bent over to the front

of the class I go

I hope it's not obvious

Don't let your eyes go low

Think about Baseball!

Or Shaquille O'Neal

Hmm... she's wearing a skirt....

Crap, my mind wandered

Such a terrible deal

Snickers from the back

I think they know

Quick! Turn around

This is quite the show

As I turned to hide it

The papers on the desk!

Unto the floor they go!

So embarrassed am I

I'll drown my sorrows

In a cool Dt. Pepsi
At EMRB

Maybe around Noonsie?

Late Post

What's up home team members? Sorry for the late post but I've had a messed up morning attributed to being messed up. I'll be at lunch, and after consulting with Bill, it sounds like he'll be there as well.

thursday lunch

i'll be at EMRb at noon! hope to see you there

Wining and Dining

in the EMRB at noon. Any takers?

British Dwarfs Shween Stuck in Hoover

I found this on Yahoo. I altered the headline a little bit and took it upon myself to find a picture of the guy. This is quite the treat, and a lesson learned, as well.

EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.
Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.
The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.
The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.
He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.
"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.
"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."

Back to cafeteria burgers ...

Awesome work on the Gunderburger, Phil. I've had a hankerin' to take that challenge some day myself! And speaking of food challenges, Noon at EMRB anyone?

Why I'm not at work

I hope your Monday is treating you well. I decided to take the day off for a trip up to Cresco. In the world of all that is Gluttonous, I also made a trip to a little place called the Irish Shanti in a little place called Gunder, Iowa. Aside from being about 5 miles from my family's other acreage, it is also the proud home of the Gunderburger (seen above). That's 20 ounces of greasy burger right there, and I demolished it. Even had the side of hashbrowns as well. That would be the third time I've laid waste to the Gunderburger.

For more information, visit www.thegunderburger.com. Oh, as far as eating establishments go, the Irish Shanti is quite the place. Fantastic food. It's also a pretty decent bar with a beer selection to even satisfy all you beer snobs. They have Busch Light as well, and due to the proximity to my cabin, there's ample Busch Light in the area at all times.

See y'all Tuesday, suckers!

March 2004-August 2007. R.I.P.

Dianna (above, sort of) is leaving her post today as Student Researcher to assume the role of Student on a full time basis. This is trully a sad day in the lab, as a strong employee is now dead to me. Let's make an obituary for Dianna's career:

Dianna's career was born after spring break of 2004. Some forget that her career also has a twin, by the name of Phil. His is quite a bit more successful, obviously. She recieved a healthcare email account and an office. Soon after she began pretending to work on random stuff. One of her first assignments was to make name placards for everyone in the lab and she spelled everyone's name correctly, except for Phil's. This was the first act of blatant sabotage in an illustrious career of sabotage against Phil. A short time later, an unnamed coworker squirted her pants and shoes with water but claimed it was bleach. Dianna unleashed her first profane assault on said coworker, a pattern of abuse that has tainted her reputation as a solid employee ever since (let's digress a little. She's called Phil a dumbass 87 times. She's flipped him off 243 times since statistics have been kept, which was last week. She's taken credit for everything Phil has done. She even sabotaged Phil's imminent discovery of renewable energy by flinging poo at him.) Eventually Dianna moved and got the good office at the end of the lab. There, she can take naps after pummeling her coworkers, emotionally and physically (as if she didn't have it good enough with the good office). At one point, Dianna won an award. No one is sure why she won anything, but she did anyway. Over time, Dianna quit pretending to work hard and took a great deal of time off for things like "the MCATs," a "wedding," and a "honeymoon." This was the beginning of the end for Dianna as her employers scrambled to push her into medical school to keep her busy when she got fired. Lord knows she would have completely gone nutso if she was fired without distractions. August seventeenth, 2007, marks the day where she's finally getting the boot.

All joking aside, let's give Dianna one last lunch sendoff today. Let's make some crude jokes and watch her completely tune out all sounds eminating from her own table. That would be the best send off possible.

Thursday Lunch

Hey guys and gals, I am planning on being at EMRB at Noon today. Hope to see you there!

Interesting SNL tidbits

A couple weekends ago there was a Chevy Chase marathon on AMC. Being that I'm a huge fan of some of his earlier work (because there's nothing recent he's done) I watched much of Fletch and Fletch Lives. I found it interesting that he "hosted" the marathon, which meant that once an hour he would say, "I'm Chevy Chase and you're watching Fletch." Once, during the marathon, he commented that Fletch was his favorite movie to make because he was able to make up his own lines. He didn't appear to be funny in any way, and I got to wondering what he's been up to and what caused him to fall off the face of the earth. So this morning, after coming in sick (peanuts, not the terminator) I looked up some stuff and found out he's been banned from Saturday Night Live. I was even more interested to see the following list of banned performers and the reasons for their banishments.

http://www.zimbio.com/Infamous+moments+in+Saturday+Night+Live+history/notes/1/People+banned+from+SNL

SNL seemed to be much more interesting back in the day.

Fletch, reincarnated

Gail Stanwyck (Bill): What are you doing here?

Fletch (Phil): I ordered some lunch.

Gail Stanwyck (Brummski): You ordered it here?

Fletch (Phil): Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be.

*****

Fletch (Dianna): If you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.

See you all at EMRB at noon?

A True Classic

These guys are definitely the bomb, and not all that much different than Itchy and Scratchy, if you actually watch Tom and Jerry. I've definitely seen Tom get scalped in one or more of the cartoons.

Lunch today?

BTW, searching for this picture under Google images was my third idea of the morning. I tried for 2 other innocent subjects (one of which being the name of this blog) and accidentally stumbled upon porn on the first page of the search. If I end up missing from work for awhile, now you all know why.

The True LOLCat

Since Kristina's away, this is the picture I requested she put up yesterday.

I know it will be a sparsely attended lunch today, so I would like to welcome all closet-readers of No Complaints to come out of the woodwork and join me for lunch at EMRB at noon today.

For manly love be at EMRB Aug 9 at 12:00 sharp

my first post!!!

cutest cat ever?

Phil wanted to let everyone know that it was not actually him that posted this picture, it was in fact me(kristina). Who wouldn't want credit for this though?!

lunch at emrb?

Keep'n up with the Joneses

Whew, at least I'm keeping up with Clake on subject matter!

Any of you poopers coming to lunch today? If so, leave a smear right above the toilet paper dispenser. Don't bother leaving a note or anything, I'll be able to identify who's who by scent, sight, and if the opportunity presents itself..... touch (y'all thought I was going to go with taste, didn't you??).

If you're unable to "have a movement," feel free to just respond to this post.

I'm just so proud I have to share

Bring your Meatwad!

I'm planning a party. Here's your invite:

Activity: Lunch

Where: EMRB

When: Noon (CST)

How: By any means necessary

Who: The ghettoist folks

Standard Deviation: 23

Color: Red (for blood)

Size: 36-24-36

Shoe: Airwalks

Genre: Easy listening

Food: Beef stroganoff

Beverage: Cognac

Animal: Beaver

Thief: Turd Burglar

Facial Tissue: Kleenex

Bladder Control Device: Depends

Bowel Control Device: Plug

Underwear: Optional (although socks are a must!)

Celebrity: Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson

I hope to see you all there!