Inspiration Strikes!

Due to a practical joke attempt gone wrong, the blog has another interesting and informative post today. A coworker asked to borrow my computer and then came to me, asking why the page was opened onto wikipedia and the subject in question was "Dwarf Tossing." Believe me when I say that I didn't come up with the subject, nor would I leave that open on my computer for others to see and judge.

Anyway, I found Dwarf Tossing to be fascinating and did a little research. I was introduced to Cuddles and Lenny the Missile, World Champions. Imagine them, just living the life, knocking back brews at bars and then peddling their wares, which in this case is the ability to entertain the Bejesus out of people by having Cuddles (the big guy) launch the lil' fella, Lenny the Giant (missile) a distance surpassing 12 feet. Damn! That's all I have to say.

I think, however, that the world was a much simpler place when Dwarf Tossing reached its apex. I'm sure that if it was popular today, it would be tainted by steroids, asterisk-riddled records, bulimic dwarfs, and strange love triangles involving other tossers' dwarfs and a donkey show. If only we could return to the good old days when a man could make a living in the honorable way.... by tossing a dwarf across a bar, and being revered for it instead of cast away as a dreg of society. Also, imagine the hope that this sport (yes, I'm calling it a sport) could provide to little people throughout the world. Small children could hope to not grow up and serve the world as a missile. Tall kids would be chastised for being too big to be missiles, and too gangly to be a tosser.

Let us join today at lunch, and raise a glass in honor of all the Cuddles and Lennys (the missiles) out there. May there be hope!

The Cure-all!

If you ever wonder what goes through my head, I'll try to explain the thought process.... my mind is always in the crapper.

I stumbled upon this picture today and had to share it. This toilet is for squatting, instead of sitting, which is supposed to straighten your anal canal and "relieve" you of uncomfortable things such as constipation and, I assume, saddle sores.

For more information, please visit www.relfe.com/toilet_seat_constipation.html. I promise, you won't be disappointed with the information or the stories about your "bum."

Lunch in EMRB today?

Seven Mary Three

If I were getting pulled over, I would definitely want my imminent ticket to be issued by either of these two fellas. I wouldn't even mind if they issued a moving violation, if you know what I mean! (If you know what I mean, please explain, because I don't really know what I mean)

Anyway, where's lunch today? Who'll be there?

Oh yeah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy9aUSdE1Kg&mode=related&search=

Hilarity Ensues

It's Monday, and a very special day indeed as Clake will be consuming the contents of his Alf lunchpail at 12:00 noon in EMRB. I don't know how many of you will be available, but I'm hoping that at least a few will respond with a hearty "No problem!"

Last Minute on Friday

I'm not sure who is around, but it's almost Noon on Friday and I'm heading over to EMRB for some lunch action. Holla!

No Lunch, Just Picture

I dunno. I just had to post this somewhere. Click here for context. I heard Phil talking once about how after he (unsuccessfully) tried to beer-bong four beers at once he had "Busch-Light-peepee" for a week, and this reminded me of that story.

Sorry for the late post!

You down with EMRB? Yeah I'm down with EMRB!

WHO down with EMRB? I'm down with EMRB!

90's Hip-hop anyone? Noon lunch at EMRB anyone? I am going to run a quick errand then I'll be there for lunch. I may be 5 minutes late or so.

See you guys soon!

Eat It

How come you're always such a fussy young man?
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it (prrr)

Let's Go Crazy

Let's get nuts
Let's look 4 the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

It's 80's pop icon week on No Complaints

Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down?
Oh, no let's go!

...up the purple elevator to the atrium?

Wanting, Needing, Waiting

For You to justify my lunch

To the Loo!

After a long night of drinking apple martinis, tequila sunrises, and starbursts, I really had to take a tinkle. I fought my way through the crowd, slapping hands away from my chest and bottom. I saw it, off in the distance, that beautiful beacon of plumbing. I climbed over and around all the glamorous people in that trendy bar, struggling to flex my loins in an effort to control my bladder. Just when I felt the pressure was building to an explosive force, I could hear the flushing and smell the soaps. I was close! The crowd parted and I could see the door. That beautiful door. Shit! It's the women's room.

I slowly retreated from the puddle beneath me, horrified by what had just become of my credibility. Somewhere, off in the distance, taps could be heard. My social life just died, and was buried. Not under the American flag, but under the badge of a dirty bar-towel. I would never be seen in public again, except on the corner, looking for handouts and smoking butts of cast away cigarettes.

Today, July 19th, 2007, I will be making an appearance and EMRB. Hopefully this will be my first step to redemption. Please be gentle.

A Switch Back to Central Daylight Time

To accomodate for a co-worker's medical appointment, I have graciously agreed to eat my lunch with the rest of the mighty, midwestern United States on Wednesday. To further clarify, for morans, I will be eating at noon. In what sorts of places do you folks take your lunches anymore? Someone shout out a locale.

Random Hookups

Last weekend, I got really drunk and hooked up with a fat chick. She was wearing this cute little dress, but unfortunately, she wasn't cute.... or little.... This is her Facebook picture, apparently taken immediately before we met. She's not much to look at, but she is a pretty sooo-eyeet ride, if you know what I mean.

Maybe we will meet her when we go to Airliner for DIANNA'S B-DAY! The plan is to take the 11:45 Pentacrest Route to go

Downtown

Where all the lights are bright

Downtown

Waiting for you tonight

Downtown

You're gonna be alright now

...downtown

We'll be hopping on the bus at MERF, but if anyone else would like to hop on the bus at any other stops, or even walk Downtown

Things'll be great when you're-downtown

Don't wait a minute more

Downtown-everything's waiting for you

Downtown (everything's waiting for you)

That would be fine.

Craptacular Post

No funny business today. Just straight up, old school, kick'n it freestyle, who's going to lunch?-style entry. Nothing funny, whatsoever.

New Menu Link

By popular demand, one can now link to the UIHC Dept of Food and Nutrition Services' "Menu Areas" directly from No Complaints. Experts predict that this new partnership will increase traffic for each of these stellar, yet unheralded, web destinations.

No Lunch, Just Picture Goodness

No lunch again today. I'm in another time zone as I'm chillin' in outer space with my man L. Ron. But I saw this picture and I had to post it for the No Complaints crew.

Say, when is the next 1pm extravanganza to happen?

What'cha gonna do?

When Pastamania runs wild on you!!!

Lunch?

Turd Burglar

I hope this little bandit doesn't come steal any of my masterpieces!

Lunch, anyone?

OH YEEE-UHHhhhh.....

I'm going to let you all in on a very private part of my life, one that I've kept under a shroud of secrecy since an unfortunate incident back in middle school. There are really no words to describe it, so I'll need the help of this self portrait.

Readers of No Complaints..... sometimes my turds are too big for my bum. If you could see the bottom of this picture, you'd see that I'm quite literally Rocking a deuce.

Who's in it for lunch today? EMRB???

It's Monday and I had a dentist appointment at 8:00 this morning

That's right, which makes me HUNGRY. For love. And also lunch. Noon, ladies and gents?